Siddhartha the Troubled Prince
by Jim Crowe
Summary: A parody of the first part of Siddhartha written as a class project. It takes place in my region of the country and alludes to many people I know that hopefully know nothing about this story. It does parody a few popular groups. It may offend a few groups


Hey, kids. This is just a little something I had to write for English 2. I apologize if it's a little short and for the excessive use of quotation marks, but, then again, it was concieved in less than an hour. It had to be less than three pages long in Times New Roman.

If anything offends you, just remember that I did not mean to pick on anyone. It's just part of the story. ) Enjoy!

For the record, I do not own _Siddhartha_ or any of the characters affiliated with it.

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Siddhartha: the Troubled Prince

Once upon time, in a land called Wilkes, lived a man called Siddharta. He was the son of King Scott ( known to some people as "King Kaufman") and Queen Mary and was born in a huge castle known as "the High School". Now, normally, the people of Wilkes would not name their child "Siddhartha", but this baby was special. On the night that Siddhartha was born, his father went out in his Porsche decided to see exactly how fast his "911" could go. Unfortunately, when he tried to turn, his car turned over and he hit his head on a steering wheel after a nasty collision with a cow. While he was passed out, he dreamt that angels were holding his precious baby and telling him, "You shall name him Siddhartha." So, after he was released from the castle's infirmary and slapped by his wife, he named his baby Siddhartha.

As Siddhartha grew, the townspeople began to realize his talents. Siddhartha could spit tobacco farther than any local, play bluegrass on the mandolin, and could recite every "You Might Be a Redneck…" joke there ever was, and he could do all of this by the age of fifteen. Naturally, his parents were pleased and decided that it was time to show him the ways of life. So, they gathered up the best teachers and taught him how to play football. For the next three years, he spent many weekdays practicing the ancient art of the quarterback, and eventually mastered it.

On Siddhartha's eighteenth birthday, the whole kingdom rejoiced, for he had been accepted into the most prestigious academy in the land, Wilkes Community College, and was going to be the starting quarterback on the football team. Everyone was happy, but Siddhartha was not. "Jimmy," he said to his childhood companion, "I have learned everything there is to be known in this kingdom, and I know I should be happy. But, I am so empty. I crave knowledge! I crave change!" Jimmy was perplexed, but smiled at his friend. "This is normal, Siddhartha, and I am sure all of your questions will be answered at the Wilkes Community College." Siddhartha knew that this was not true, and became even more troubled. So, he got on his four-wheeler and went riding in the mud to relieve his troubled mind. As he rode, he saw three People of the Black Cloth walking silently and expressionlessly on the trail. As he watched, Siddhartha began to wonder what it would be like to live such a simple life: to paint his face deathly pale, dress in all black, listen to punk rock, and party like there is no tomorrow. As Siddhartha rode, he thought about this life, and finally decided exactly what to do. As he pulled up to the castle that evening, he was surprised by the town and given a party in celebration. The party was very jocular and everybody was in good spirits. The specially made hot dogs and roasted deer meat were excellent, and the cheap beer and moonshine was better than usual. Even the musicians were performing well, and even playing the land's anthem, "Sweet Home Alabama", a couple of times. The party lasted long and everyone went home happy.

After everything was cleaned up and all of the passed out drunkards were carried away in stretchers, Siddhartha approached his father and said, "Dad, I am a man. I have learned everything there is to know and I am ready to take on the world. With your permission, I wish to venture out into the forest and join the People of the Black Cloth." King Scott looked down into his son's serious eyes and said to him, "Son, I have watched you grow and I respect your wisdom and my answer to you is: no." Almost instantly, Siddhartha objected and asked why. His father said nothing and went up to his Wal-mart bedroom suite. "I will not leave until you say yes." Siddhartha's answer left King Scott restless and uneasy all night, and when he woke up that morning, Siddhartha was still standing there staring at him. Realizing that he could not change his son's mind, he let Siddhartha go. "Make sure you give your mother a kiss." After giving his mother a kiss, he summoned Jimmy and headed out into the middle of the forest to the People of the Black Cloth.

When he met his new teachers, he asked to join their group and be taught of the ways of Punk Rock. He was accepted and given the correct clothing and was given white face paint and walked. He walked from different nightclubs; partying at night and sleeping through the day. At first, the art of Headbanging and jumping endlessly was painful and entirely confusing to Siddhartha, but after he lost a few brain cells it became painless and ritualistic. He eventually learned everything there was to learn from these people and became highly respected in the community. He carried on these rituals until he walked into a small village and began to hear about the teachings of Al the Christian (also known as "the Reverend Al Greene"). He was fascinated, and (naturally) went back to the leader of the People of the Black Cloth and asked to break away from their teachings to pursue other opportunities. Of course, he denied Siddhartha and Jimmy and told them to never ask this again. Siddhartha could never take "no" for an answer and asked the elder again. Again the elder said "no" and asked to not be disturbed. Siddhartha then took everything he knew about his teachings and challenged the elder to the ultimate Black Cloth challenge: a Headbanging contest. The elder agreed and was defeated by Siddhartha. Jimmy and Siddhartha then went on their way in search of this Christian.

The two went back into town and asked everybody where one could find Al the Christian. The duo was pointed in the direction of the place called "the Baptist Church" and was informed that he would not be easily found. Still determined, Siddhartha and his companion went over to "the Baptist Church" and was greeted by hundreds of people with "I Love Jesus" shirts and holding the Bible. Siddhartha looked for awhile, and then spotted the Christian as a man of brown skin holding a guitar singing "Jesus is Just Alright With Me". As the man got up and walked, Siddhartha followed him and told Jimmy to come with him. The two friends followed Al the Christian into town and then to an open field where he was giving his lecture. "What an honor!" Jimmy exclaimed, "We get to hear the great Christian himself!" Jimmy was extremely enthusiastic, but Siddhartha was calm and preparing to meditate on the teachings he was about to hear. While Al the Christian lectured, Siddhartha became intrigued, but was troubled with the Reverend's teachings.

After the lecture, Jimmy became excited and immediately went up to Al the Christian and said, "Oh, Musical One! I have heard your teachings and I feel that I have truly been saved! Please, Musical One, allow me to join your following and learn your teachings." Al the Christian looked at him, chuckled, and accepted him. Jimmy was very happy and waited for Siddhartha to follow him as well. When Siddhartha did not, Jimmy became sad. "Siddhartha! My childhood friend! Will you not join me and learn the ways of Christianity?"

"Jimmy," Siddhartha started, "All of these years you have followed one step behind me and today you have made your own path. With this I am pleased. But, I feel his teachings are not entirely correct and I will not join. So, goodbye my old friend, and I pray you find contentment in your new life." Jimmy, who is very perplexed, gets tears in his eyes as he receives his "Jesus is My Homeboy" shirt and his Bible and says goodbye to his best friend.

Saddened by these new occurrences, Siddhartha wandered deep into the Baptist Church where he soon found Al the Christian. He greeted him and asked if he could speak with him. Al the Christian nodded in approval. "As you may know, I came to listen to you this evening and my friend joined your following. Although your teachings are well thought and very good, I still wish to continue looking. It is not in my line to be saying this, but I don't believe that your teachings are correct and right. How can you worship something that you cannot see and was not directly proven to have actually lived? How can people worship this "God" that is all powerful and exists as a triumvirate? It just does not make any sense to me." With that statement, the Christian just nodded and said to the trouble young man, "My brother, whatever you want to pursue is alright, but if you stick around, I can show you exactly how you can believe." Siddhartha shakes his head and heads off into the wilderness to meditate.

As he walks, Siddhartha thinks about everything he has learned and asks himself _Why can I not find contentment!_ In his mind, he has tried to find answers in his home and in the ways of the People of the Black Cloth, but none of their answers seemed right. Then, something dawned on him. _Is this right? Could this be true?_ Excited by his new thoughts, he quickly finds a place to sit by a tree and meditates. He meditates on his new philosophy, his new path, and his new life.

**End Part One**


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